White Bread Fever

Passing on Adventure

2012-01-04T17:19:00.000-08:00

The other day a friend and I got into a debate about the “Adventure Pass.” For those of you who are not in the know, the “Adventure Pass” is a program adopted by several southern California National Forests that requires forest users to purchase a “pass” ($5 per day or $35 annually) for the privilege of parking an automobile in the national forest. Given the geography, development patterns, and lack of viable public transportation options, driving to the affected national forests is the only practical method of getting there for most folks. As a result, the “Adventure Pass” effectively functions as an additional fee imposed for the use of your national forests. The program began as a pilot, but has predictably become a permanent fixture of the national forest landscape, at least in the Los Padres, Angeles, San Bernardino, and Cleveland National Forests.

I am virulently opposed to the “Adventure” Pass for a variety of reasons. One of the things that government should do with our tax dollars is provide and maintain public space without imposing additional “user” fees, whether that space is a national forest or a municipal park. Programs which force, under threat of substantial monetary penalties, those who use public facilities (whether by choice or out of necessity) to pay an additional fee for that use is nothing but a tip of the hat to the selfish ideology, often espoused by those who have already benefitted from one or more public institutions or programs, that “no one but me should gain benefit from my tax dollars.”

Beyond that, the Adventure Pass program, when coupled with the “war on drugs,” has caused unintended (or is that intended?) collateral damage. Whereas at one time forest rangers were trained naturalists who would hike the trails focusing on the flora and fauna of the forest, now they are nothing more than glorified traffic cops and vice officers who drive the roads prowling for parking fees and collars.

My friend, on the other hand, is a big supporter of the Adventure Pass. He views the pass as a magnanimous and unique opportunity to contribute additional dollars to the public fisc so that he can “share” the forest experience with others. Although I think that position silly, it is the catalyst for the additional fee generating schemes that I am proposing here today. This, of course, is not an exclusive list of possible programs that can be modeled after the Adventure Pass program, but it’s a good start and is eminently doable given the current political climate in the country.

The Love Pass- this is a $35 annual fee that will imposed by each municipality on each tennis player for the use of public tennis courts. The fees collected will be used to pay for the cost of lights, nets, general maintenance, and a Court Officer who will be deputized and will carry both a loaded weapon and pepper spray. The Officer will be tasked with checking players for Love Passes, writing tickets to Love Pass scofflaws, keeping order on the courts, and searching users at whim and without probable cause for contraband. All Court Officers will be recruited from the local Sheriff's Department and will be required to have absolutely no knowledge of, or interest in tennis.

The Velo Pass- this is a $35 annual fee that will be imposed by every municipality upon each road bike rider for the privilege of riding a bicycle on city maintained streets. The fee will be used to defray the cost of bike lanes that are now paid for principally by motorists. Significant monetary penalties for non-compliance will apply.

The Metro Pass- this new $35 annual fee above and beyond the basic ticket cost will be charged to all public transportation users to defray the costs of public transportation now being subsidized by non-public transportation user tax dollars. A separate fee will be imposed by each transportation authority, meaning that users will need a separate Metro Pass for buses and commuter rails. There will be no exceptions or discounts for the economically disadvantaged who are supping at the public transportation trough, but a combined bus/rail Metro Pass will be available at the discounted rate of $65.

The Reading Pass- this is a new $35 annual fees assessed against all public library users. The fees will be used to cover the cost of acquiring knowledge from a taxpayer funded library facility. It will also fund a Reading Enforcement Agent whose primary function will be to check for Reading Passes and to write tickets to those attempting to ride the knowledge coattails of other paying patrons. The fee will be assessed against each library patron, but a family pass will be available at the rate of $30 per family member.

The Play Pass- this is a $35 annual fee that will be assessed by each municipality and/or county against all public park users for the privilege of stepping foot in the public parks. Note that this fee will be separate and distinct from the annual Love Pass which will assessed separately. It is also separate and distinct from the Softball Pass (a per player fee, not a per team fee), the Soccer Pass (again, per player), the Skate Pass (a combined skateboard and roller-blading pass will be available for $65), and a general Lolligagging Pass that applies to all other park activities. Special kiosks, funded by Play Pass fees, will be constructed at each park entrance and staffed by enforcement agents who will check users for Play Passes before park entrance is granted.

The Sand and Surf Pass- this is a $35 annual fee that will be charged to all public beach users for the privilege of stepping foot on the public beaches. Note that this fee will be in addition to applicable parking, day use, and camping fees. Armed enforcement agents will strategically occupy existing lifeguard towers so that they can apprehend, with force if necessary, moochers and freeloaders who attempt to enjoy the beach without paying their fair share.

And finally, the Dog Shit Pass- this is a $35 annual fee (in addition to licensing fees) that will be assessed against dog owners for the privilege of walking a canine on public property. The fee will fund dog parks, fecal clean up, and a Dog Shit Enforcement Agent who will have the authority to club dog owners into submission if they fail to clean up after their pooch. Please note the each municipality will require its own Dog Shit Pass so if you plan on traveling with your dog, your annual contributions to Dog Shit Passes may be significantly higher than just $35.

These are just a few of the new fees, modeled after the very popular and successful Adventure Pass, that I think could be proposed to public officials in the very near future. However, public facilities users should not fret about the potential for having to pay these additional new fees as all money collected will be deposited into the public fisc. Thus, those who pay these fees can rest comfortably in the knowledge that they are both carrying their own substantial weight and sharing our public facilities with other users.

Poor People Food

2011-12-26T08:33:00.000-08:00

For nearly five decades worth of Christmases now, I’ve endured Nat King Cole crooning about “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose.” But in all that time, I have never actually roasted a chestnut. In fact, I haven’t even seen anyone roasting chestnuts. That’s probably as much a function of the culture in which I was raised as it is my belief that roasting chestnuts was a trend of the past, a treat as modern as nuts in oranges in your Christmas sock.

But it turns out that roasted chestnuts are not the ancient relic that I thought perhaps they were. For instance, they are still a common “street food” in some parts of the world, including Turkey, where in Istanbul vendors hawk “Kestane kebab” from carts in both popular tourist districts and working class neighborhoods. I am told that warm chestnuts, roasted black, and served in a paper bag are also readily available from street vendors throughout London. My guess is that the same holds true for other majors cities throughout Europe and Asia Minor.

I’ve discovered that chestnuts were introduced into Europe by way of Sardis in present day Turkey. They were initially referred to as “Sardinian nuts” and for millennia, served as a staple food for the peoples who populated southern Europe, Turkey, and south-western Asia. In these regions of the world, chestnuts largely replaced cereals which could not grow well in the Mediterranean climate and soils. Until the introduction of the potato, the meat of the chestnut sustained whole communities who used it to make cake or bread.

Then, at some stage and for reasons unknown to me, the chestnut fell out of favor. It was maligned as “poor people food.” People abandoned “chestnut bread” because its flour did not rise. Chestnuts, it was said, gave a “sallow complexion.”

Despite all of this besmirching, and the embarrassment and shame that would invariably result from eating “poor people food,” we decided it was time to roast some chestnuts. Lacking an open flame, we didn’t so much “roast” them as we did “bake” them. Essentially, we cranked the oven up to about 400 degrees, scored the chestnuts, placed them on a baking sheet, and popped them in the oven until the shells split and were a deep mahogany color. Not exactly street authentic, but it was a worthy attempt and it worked well enough.

Out of the shell, roasted chestnuts were not at all what I expected. Being in the nut mindset, I was prepared for crunch. What I got was something that was nutty and slightly sweet, but with the consistency of a baked potato. Had we actually done some roasting, I suspect we would have added a little smoke flavor to the taste profile, but they were delicious nonetheless.

Beyond the taste and consistency, the thing that surprised me the most about roasted chestnuts was how filling they were. After having just a few, I felt as if I had eaten an entire meal. Maybe that ability to satisfy fully partially explains their previous popularity as “poor people food,” even though from a nutritional standpoint chestnuts have fewer calories per edible gram than many other nuts and dried fruits.

Given how filling (and, I presume, versatile) they are, I think I can understand why roasted chestnuts are popular “poor people food.” Although there is probably a good explanation, what I don’t grasp is how or why “poor people food” became and conintues to this day to be associated with Christmas holiday tradition in America. I’m sure by that statement that I’m advertising my historical and culinary ignorance, but so be it. For the moment, I’m satisfied to have simply experienced the gastonomical pleasure of the roasted Sardinian nut.

Afiyet olsun!

Economic Hitmen Under My Bed

2011-12-23T16:08:00.000-08:00

Either I’m going to start seeing economic hitmen under my bed, or the narrative is more common, the strategy more versatile than I ever imagined. That idea is being fostered by a piece titled A Christmas Message From America’s Rich penned by Matt Taibbi for Rolling Stone in which he highlights the indifference, nay the complete disdain that America’s elites have for the 99%. In the course of that article, Taibbi skewers, among others, Jaime Dimon of Chase Bank infamy for complaining that people hate him because he’s rich and successful. Taibbi rightly points out that people don’t hate Dimon because he’s wealthy and successful. They hate him because he and his banking buddies are a bunch of conniving, unrepentant, pricks. As evidence of this, Taibbi points to happenings in Jefferson County, Alabama.

“That particular locality is now in bankruptcy proceedings primarily because Dimon’s bank, Chase, used middlemen to bribe local officials – literally bribe, with cash and watches and new suits – to sign on to a series of onerous interest-rate swap deals that vastly expanded the county’s debt burden.

Essentially, Jamie Dimon handed Birmingham, Alabama a Chase credit card and then bribed its local officials to run up a gigantic balance, leaving future residents and those residents’ children with the bill. As a result, the citizens of Jefferson County will now be making payments to Chase until the end of time.

Do you think Jamie Dimon would have done that deal if he lived in Jefferson County? Put it this way: if he was trying to support two kids on $30,000 a year, and lived in a Birmingham neighborhood full of people in the same boat, would he sign off on a deal that jacked up everyone’s sewer bills 400% for the next thirty years?”

Translation: Dimon’s bank handed Jefferson County the means to commit financial suicide and then bribed its leadership to pull the trigger. And who primarily benefitted from Jefferson County’s mountain of lethal and bloody debt? Chase Bank, of course.

But wait, there’s more. Chase also pulled a similar stunt it seems with the Greeks. Again, Taibbi:

“Having seen how well interest-rate swaps worked for Jefferson County, Alabama, Chase ‘helped’ Greece mask its debt problem for years by selling a similar series of swaps to the Greek government. The bank then turned around and worked with banks like Goldman, Sachs to create a thing called the iTraxx SovX Western Europe index, which allowed investors to bet against Greek debt.

In other words, Chase knowingly larded up the nation of Greece with a crippling future debt burden, then turned around and helped the world bet against Greek debt.

Does a citizen of Greece do that deal? Forget that: does a human being do that deal?”

That, my friends, is exactly why guys like Dimon are now despised to the point that they must fend off vitriolic attacks by “imbeciles” in the debtor class. But that really is neither my point nor current fixation. No, my interest in Taibbi’s Rolling Stone rant is the evidence it contains of the economic hitmen narrative at play. The strategy employed by Chase Bank in its dealing with both Jefferson County, Alabama and Greece is the exact same strategy, writ small, that John Perkins persuasively claims was employed by the United States to financially enslave developing nations. It is the strategy I see being employed by banks and educational institutions to financially subjugate students for years on end through massive student loan debt. And it is a strategy that I now suspect could very well be at play in a variety of other contexts where the promise of a better financial tomorrow derives not from hard word, intelligence and talent, but from debt instruments hyped and sold by economic hitmen like Jamie Dimon and his bank.

Higher Education: A Railway to Peonage

2011-12-21T14:22:00.000-08:00

One of the many things that resonated with me the first time I read Howard Zinn’s A Peoples History of the United States was the idea that our institutions of higher education in this country, particularly the Harvards, Yales, Stanfords, Carnegie Mellons, and Vanderbilts of the system, were established not so much to further the goal of an educated populace, but to spit out a class of professionals and semi-professionals who could and would at once both serve the elites and act as a buffer against the unwashed and uninformed masses. In less refined terms, Zinn’s suggestion (or at least my interpretation) was that these degreed and credentialed folks were being groomed by our nation’s top colleges and universities to function as the plutocracy’s bitches. Being a bitch myself in that regard (i.e., a degreed professional), I’d really never consciously considered that possibility, although the idea certainly was intriguing. In fact, it was more than intriguing. Now that Zinn had challenged my conventional view on the matter, I had to admit that the theory just might have substantial merit.

Perhaps because I subconsciously didn’t want to confront it, or maybe because I was just being intellectually lazy, I didn’t follow Zinn’s strand of thought any further. The idea remained, however. In fact, it still comes to the forefront of my thinking every once in awhile, but I always let it slip back into the obscure recesses of my mind where it lays dormant until something triggers another flare-up.

Well, this morning I had a flare-up (call it an epiphany) of major proportions that has given me the clarity of sight that Zinn must have had. The catalyst for my new found vision was an article by Brian McKenna published at Counter Punch titled Student Loan Fury in the Occupy Movement. In a nutshell, the article lays bare the societal and parental lie that burdening students with loan debt in order to obtain a higher education, particularly in the more academic and esoteric fields of study that have no perceived “market value” (i.e., cannot be readily exploited by business to increase profits), will markedly improve one’s position in life. To the contrary, the article demonstrates in rather bleak terms that in many cases, a Masters or Ph.D degree is nothing more than a train ride to peonage, self-doubt, and misery.

Without getting into the reasons for this (the article hints at a general hostility toward certain disciplines and the continued and steady de-funding of our public educational systems), McKenna’s article caused me to immediately think of John Perkins’ Confessions of an Economic Hitman. As Wiki accurately describes it, Hitman is a mea culpa in which Perkins confesses to having been an “economic hit man” for a global engineering services firm that paid him handsomely to:

“convince the political and financial leadership of underdeveloped countries to accept enormous development loans from institutions like the World Bank and USAID. Saddled with debts they could not hope to pay, those countries were forced to acquiesce to political pressure from the United States on a variety of issues. Perkins argues in his book that developing nations were effectively neutralized politically, had their wealth gaps driven wider and economies crippled in the long run.”

And then it hit me and the scales fell from my eyes. The story of higher education in 21st century America is nothing more than the Hitman narrative playing out in a different context. The uneducated students who are misspending their youth by foregoing a misspent youth for a lottery’s chance at attending an Ivy are Perkins’ underdeveloped countries. The universities and the banks which are reaping huge financial returns from the desperate students who can never hope to repay their student loan debt are Perkins’ World Bank and USAID. The political, social and financial elites are the United States in Perkins’ tale who can and will exert leverage on the wage slave graduates in order to effectively neutralize them both politically and economically. And we parents, who have bought into the hype and the promise of success that is supposed to flow magically to our kids from a blue chip educational pedigree, we are Perkins. We are economic hitmen.

I should have seen it before now, but I just didn’t. Up until this moment, I dutifully played the role expected of me by cheerleading for my kids to go the best college they could get into, even if that meant “investing in their future” by loading up on obscene amounts student loan debt. With the assistance of Zinn, McKenna and Perkins, however, I have come to realize the folly and danger of this way of thinking. As a result, I will no longer be complicit. I will no longer propagate the lie that a college degree is worth any investment regardless of amount. I will no longer be an economic hit man for the student loan industry.

A Phrase is Born

2011-12-19T10:02:00.000-08:00

Inspired by some ornery, and I presume old, bittertons that frequent a couple of sites I enjoy reading and posting to, I have decided to coin a new phrase. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you "bitter bombing."

Definition: the curmudgeon’s online equivalent to glitter bombing. The act of attacking someone or their post on a blog or website comments page without warning or provocation just because you’re a bitter old bastard that has absolutely nothing constructive to add to the discussion and you enjoy being a complete dick.

Usage example: We were having this really engaging online debate the other day until that douche bag “4skin” showed up and begin bitter bombing everyone. Yeah, that pretty much killed it off.

This Is Where I Leave You

2009-12-29T18:30:00.000-08:00

Plain and simply, this is a supurb bit of writing. I wish I had a fraction of the talent that Jonathan Tropper has.

On line at http://www.jonathantropper.com/

Those Were the Days

2009-12-22T06:32:00.000-08:00

Saw a post over at OneUtah that got me thinking about the Bush years. It hasn’t even been 12 months since Obama was inaugurated, but already I’m feeling nostalgic for the prior occupant of the White House in an odd sort of way. So, I thought I’d compile a short list of some of my favorite GW moments just for old-time’s sake. Man, those were the days, weren’t they?

(Breaks into song)

Boy the way Steve Miller played
Songs that made the hit parade.
Guys like us we had it made,
Those were the days.

And you knew who you were then,
Girls were girls and men were men,
Mister we could use a man
Like Ronald Reagan again.

Didn't need no welfare state,
Everybody pulled his weight.
Gee our old LaBaron ran great.
Those were the days.

In no particular order:

Bush Issues a Pre-Katrina Declaration of Emergency for Louisiana Which Covers the Wrong Parishes

On or about August 25, 2005, President Bush issued a pre-emptive Statement on Federal Emergency Assistance for the State of Louisiana in light of the approaching disaster that was Hurricane Katrina. Problem was the declaration only covered the non-coastal parishes in Louisiana. Those parishes that were near or on the coast, those parishes that would ultimately take the brunt of Katrina’s wrath, were curiously not covered by the emergency declaration. You’re doing a heck-of-a job Brownie!

Bush Massages Merkel

In July of 2006, President Bush attended the G-8 Summit in St. Petersburg along with a cadre of other foreign dignitaries, including German Chancellor Angela Merkel, the only female in attendance. During the summit, with cameras rolling, Bush approached Merkel from behind while she spoke with Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi and gave her a little rub down. A visibly startled and uncomfortable Merkel immediately threw her arms up in the air and then, as the Los Angeles Time reported, charitably “smiled.” The episode went viral and earned the President the title “Groper in Chief” by the blogosphere.

It’s Just a Goddamned Piece of Paper

In late 2005, Republican leaders met with President Bush in the oval office to discuss renewal of the USA Patriot Act. During those discussions, the President was told by the Republican leadership that his unrelenting push to renew some of the more egregious provisions of that Act could carry negative political consequences to which King George reportedly responded, "I don't give a goddamn. I'm the President and the Commander-in-Chief. Do it my way." Mr. Bush was then tactfully informed that that some of the Act’s provisions were also constitutionally suspect which evoked this little gem from the top guardian and protector of our Constitution: “Stop throwing the Constitution in my face! It's just a goddamned piece of paper!"

Fool Me Once

And finally, on September 17, 2002, President Bush was giving a speech in Nashville, Tennessee. As was often his style, the President was trying to be folksy and connect with his audience, but his penchant for malapropisms got the better of him resulting in this humorous and now infamous doozy: “There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.”

Bonus Feature

Ok, this doesn't involve Bush per se, but since it involves a Bush and it is such a classic, I'm appending it to this post as a bonus feature.

George Herbert Walker Bush Barfs on the Japanese Prime Minister

On January 8, 1992, President George H.W. Bush attended a State dinner along with some 135 other diplomats at the home of the Japanese Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa. The dinner followed an evening of tennis with Japan’s Emperor described by Time’s Asia correspondent Peter McKillop as “brutal.” “[T]he Crown Prince, to use a Texas term, kicked George Bush's butt on the court. George senior is a pretty competitive guy and almost killed himself trying to cover for his lousy doubles partner, a former U.S. ambassador to Japan....” Apparently, the exertion of the tennis match caught up to the President at the state dinner where he barfed into Prime Minister Miyazawa’s lap and then fainted. The incident coined a new phrase in Japan, Bushu-suru, which means “to do the Bush thing.”

Next up: Obama really takes a bow.

Holiday Hate Courtesy of Ventura County, California

2009-12-21T07:59:00.000-08:00

For your reading pleasure. A smattering of comments posted by VC residents in my local rag. Enjoy!

Posted by Pookaluke in response to a story of a local church honoring 4 homeless people that lost their lives:

“Leftist-liberalism has now really taken their wackoism too far. A, "National Homeless Memorial Day" for crying out loud? I'm not against helping homeless people by any means, but to relate a "national homeless day," to maybe that of our special "memorial day" in May to honor our military dead is just ludicrous. Why not honor homeless folks who've gotten a job and got back on their feet. Look people make choices that get them in their predicaments. This story is just another leftist-liberal jab that keeps getting jammed down our throats!

Many homeless folks don't want to help themselves.

It won't be soon that the leftist-liberals will concoct a memorial day for just about every segment of society.”

Posted by FergusTwoarJr in response to a story about a bicyclist who was hit and killed by a motorist:

“Like my Uncle Ervin always says, if you're going to be stupid, be prepared to die.”

Posted by Handy_Hood in response to a story about a local flight school owned by an Italian-American that caters to Indians, Europeans and Middle-Easterners:

“An Italian (socialist) teaching middle eastern (jihad)to fly in America. Nah, no suspicion there!!!”

Posted by Frank14 in response to a story detailing the 2009 growth rate of Ventura County:

“So more productive citizens moved out of the state to be replaced by illegal aliens?”

Posted by Irgvanman#241659 in response to that same story:

“Sad to say I have thoughts on leaving as many others have. I know if I did, I would be replaced by my conquering neighbor of the South who seem to be buying up much of the foreclosures. Remember the "Day without a Mexican" protest? A day without a white man is not possible due to the fact that many of these folks have interbred and are now mixed Caucasians. Ever notice that? Communication with them often is hindered while they are speaking the other white man's language of which originated from Europe's Spain.”

Posted by Tanker in response to that same story:

“Obama is an alien.”

Posted by CherokeeKid in response to a story about the EPA’s determination that Greenhouse gases endanger human health:

“Just more power grabbing fascism from the Marxist Obama administration.”

Posted by TO_cracker in response to a story about the dedication of a Habitat for Humanity duplex:

“Giving away condos to illegal aliens does nothing to help the community. It just makes the news and encourages more economic refugees from around the world to come here and sop up the gravy.”

Posted by WakeUpObamaDrones in response to a story on the local unemployment rate:

“Since Bush has left office, we have already had the WORST TERRORIST ATTACK since 9/11 under Obama's watch! And trust me, what happened at Fort Hood is going to look like a "day at Disneyland" compared to what is coming! Obama and his ilk are making it VERY easy for the terrorists to attack us again. But NEXT time, it will be MUCH worse! And I PRAY I am wrong!
But the people that I know who deal with protecting america tell me their coming and it's going to be bad!

And do you think it's a "great idea" to give MORE RIGHTS to TERRORISTS than Obama does to our own TROOPS? Which he most certainly is!

No Bob, unlike A Obama Drone, I can debate anybody all day long. Why? Because the "truth will set you free"!

And the TRUTH is that Obama is COMMITTED to defeating the United States from WITHIN!

Do I think he hates America and is trying to destroy us? YES, and he'll say it too. Just lisen to his "apology tours in foreign countires" and you'll hear it with your own ears!

It would be one thing if Obama was just dumb and didn't know the HARM he is causing America!
But Obama is NOT dumb. He is an evil, caculating Marxist, who is trying to destroy America to the point where we will NOT be the most powerful Country on earth ever again!

Barrack Hussein Obama is the most DANGEROUS threat to America since Adolph Hitler!

But the difference is, Obama WILL be successful if DESTROYING America!!

God Help US!!!!!!!!!!!!”

God help us indeed!

Innocence and Anger

2009-12-20T17:10:00.000-08:00

So, did you happen to catch the recent headlines about the case involving James Bain? Mr. Bain is 54 years old. Mr. Bain is black. In 1974 Mr. Bain was convicted of kidnapping and raping a 9-year old boy and sent to prison to serve a life sentence for that crime. Mr. Bain served 35 years of his sentence. Then, on December 17, 2009 Mr. Bain walked out of prison a free man after DNA evidence conclusively proved that he was innocent. The DNA evidence did not prove that Mr. Bain was “not guilty” mind you. It proved that he was innocent.

Since the advent of DNA testing technology, Mr. Bain has been lobbying justice officials to conduct genetic testing on samples taken from the crime scene. At least four times Mr. Bain petitioned to have the genetic evidence tested. At each and every turn, these efforts were rebuffed by justice officials aided by the courts. Rebuffed by those very same people whose supposed mission in life is a “search for the truth.” Rebuffed until the Innocence Project took up his cause.

Mr. Bain was a 19 year old kid when he was sent away to be forgotten. Now he’s going home to see his mama as a graying pre-senior. He’s going home to resume his interrupted studies in reading and writing. He’s going home to try to re-learn how to live his life. He’s going home to pick up whatever pieces of that life remain. But he’s not going home angry.

Mr. Bain has lost 3½ decades of his life. Thirty-five fucking years! How does he make up for that? How do we make it up to him? What can we possible say to Mr. Bain to make amends for our crimes against him? “I’m sorry Mr. Bain?” “You’re a free man Mr. Bain?” “Good Luck Mr. Bain?” That’s what we say to make ourselves feel better so that we can pretend we’re contrite and then hurry and forget about the whole sordid affair. That may be salve for our guilty souls, but it just doesn’t seem anywhere near adequate the dress the irreparable wound we have inflicted.

I’ve heard it said that these types of cases prove that the system works. To the contrary, it proves that there is something seriously wrong with the system. A system that deprives an innocent person of their liberty for 3½ decades isn’t working. A system that refuses to dispassionately and objectively conduct post-conviction DNA analyses to guard against the possibility of a wrongful conviction because of a failure to adhere to procedural niceties isn’t working. A system that allows police and prosecutors to ignore and/or withhold exonerating evidence for no purpose other than to pad conviction ratios isn’t working. A system that relies upon subtle racism in order to convict a disproportionate number of black and brown men isn’t working. A system that is completely unresponsive to those with lesser or no financial means isn’t working. And a system that allows us to close our eyes to this travesty and go on living smug in the belief that our ways are irreproachable isn’t working.

I can’t wrap my mind around Mr. Bain’s lack of anger. Perhaps after thirty-five years of pain, suffering, and isolation his anger has simply been drained from him. Or perhaps he’s just a bigger man than I. Whichever it is, he need not worry. I’ll volunteer to be angry enough for the both of us.

Visit the Innocence Project on-line at http://www.innocenceproject.org

I Said Goddamn...

2009-05-01T05:52:00.000-07:00

Demand Climate Justice

2009-04-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, April 28, 2009, at the Frank E. Moss Courthouse in downtown Salt Lake City, University of Utah student Tim DeChristopher will be arraigned on felony charges stemming from his disruption of the illegal BLM oil and gas lease auction held during the last throws of the Bush administration. Bidder70.0rg is holding a rally before Tim's arraignment and a march to the courthouse. Attend if you can and bring along a friend or three to show your support for Tim and his courageous act. Visit http://www.bidder70.org/ and http://oneutah.org/ for more information.

Siriusly Affirming the Stereotype

2009-04-11T10:11:00.001-07:00

Sirius Satellite and XM Radio are two of the great inventions of the modern era and a much needed antidote to the constant inanity, blather and hucksterism that is A.M. and F.M. radio. After all, where else can you get the Grateful Dead twenty-four hours a day without interruption?

Despite the bewildering array of options that Sirius and XM offer, I guess I’m a bit of a creature of habit because I rarely venture beyond the 46-57 range on XM. But the other day, I broke out of that mold and went on a quest for new experiences. Listening to the same genre of music day after day was getting stale and I wanted to see if I could broaden my horizons.

So I’m cruising through the channels- Hip Hop/R & B, Jazz and Blues, Classical, Dance and Electronica, Latin- when I stumbled upon OutQ Radio (Sirius 109/ XM 98). OutQ is satellite radio’s Gay and Lesbian channel. It promotes itself as “News, Information and Entertainment for the Gay and Lesbian Community,” Gay radio, who knew?

I don’t fall into OutQ’s demographic, but I was intrigued enough by the concept of Gay radio to listen in (as long as I could stand to as it turned out) on my drive home. I must have hit upon the “Entertainment” portion of OutQ’s programming as what I heard certainly didn’t qualify under any objective standard as “News” or “Information.”

The program that was being broadcast was a show called “Derek and Romaine.” Derek is a gay man; Romaine is his female counterpart. The riveting subject of their show was a lesbian sorority at the University of Pennsylvania and their guest was the President of that sorority. Without getting into the whole “gay issue,” it was dreadfully dull radio made worse by Romaine’s litany of inane comments and constant, insecure snickering.

So before I go into my tirade, here’s the obligatory disclaimer. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if a man wants to be with another man or a woman wants to be with another woman. It’s no skin off of my wiener either way. In fact, I find the whole raging debate about gay rights to be pretty silly. Gays should have the same rights that everyone else in this country enjoys. Period.

But here’s the thing that is really annoying. Gays and lesbians are constantly preaching to the heterosexual world about the evils of stereotyping them while they continually play to the stereotype. OutQ in general, and Derek and Romaine in particular, are perfect examples. Specifically, Derek spoke with a pronounced and affected lisp. Who really speaks like that? Damn few people that I have encountered unless they were gay men trying mighty hard to advertise to the world their gayness. Romaine, on the other hand, seemed fixated on the hook-up prospects that a lesbian sorority would afford and constantly pushed the discussion in that direction. She would ask with baited breath (and apparent envy) about who was banging whom and the intimate details about the gay sexual escapades of the sisters.

Can these guys get any less clear on the concept? We're told all gay men don’t prance around speaking with an effeminate lisp. But then “Gay radio” broadcasts a show hosted by a gay guy who, true to the stereotype, speaks with a lisp. We’re also told that the gay culture is not necessarily centered upon gay sex. But here again is OutQ, the satellite radio voice of the gay community, broadcasting a show the focus of which was, true to stereotype once again, lesbian sex.

So here’s some unsolicited advice to the gay and lesbian community: if you want people to get beyond the stereotypes commonly associated with gays and lesbians, stop perpetuating those stereotypes. Do some self-policing of your community. Stop acting in a manner consistent with the gay archetype. Otherwise, you will never get beyond the stereotypes. Siriusly.

Anonymous Sniping- The New Blood Sport

2009-04-10T06:46:00.000-07:00

So when did it become fashionable to revel in others’ misery? With the current economic downturn, there have been quite a few stories in the media lately about folks who have fallen on hard times. Perhaps unlike the past, a good number of these people are credentialed and hardworking individuals who are either victims of corporate “down-sizing” or simply got caught long when the real estate market turned. Just like the past, some of these folks also chose their lot in life or got there by making objectively bad decisions. Either way, the end result is the same.

Just the other day, I read a piece in the local rag about a couple from California’s Central Valley who are flirting with homelessness. According to the story, this couple had previously owned a restaurant together with three homes, one of which was their primary residence and two of which were investment properties. Their restaurant was recently shuttered when the building which they leased was found to have numerous code violations that the owner either couldn’t, or refused to cure. That event, coupled with the radical devaluation of their real estate, has left this couple competing with the bums for bottles, cans, plastic bottles and handouts.

Anyway, the website that was carrying this story has a Comments function where readers can log in, mostly anonymously, and post their thoughts. Back in the old days, when we got our news from actual papers, I always brushed by the headlines, the local news, the business section, even the sports page and went straight to the Letters to the Editor on the Op-Ed page. That was where the real action was. That was where society bore its soul. And that was where you could get the unsanitized truth along with a hearty dose of laughter, incredulity, anger and more.

Letters to the Editor are still an integral part of newspapers and periodicals, but the Comments function on websites is quickly usurping the old-fashion letter. The difference is this: anonymity. Unlike the letters of old, the Comments function on most websites is the Wild West. You can post virtually anything you want behind the safety of a silly screen name without consequence. This is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing in that people tend to speak their mind more freely; it’s a curse in that people tend to speak their mind more freely. That why the Comments section is the first place I go when I visit a website.

So I’m reading the comments that people have left about the couple from the Central Valley who lost their restaurant and are now employed as full time recyclers. And the comments are shockingly nasty. Predictably, a large number of the commenters immediately jumped to the conclusion that this couple was simply lazy and yearned to be on the public dole. Another sizeable segment of the comments was devoted to the belief that these people were getting exactly what they deserved because owning three homes was obviously well beyond their means. Someone even suggested that since this couple failed to cure the building code deficiencies that were the building owner’s responsibility they were actually at fault for the closure of their restaurant. Compassion and understanding for this couple’s misfortune was in short supply. Arrogance, smugness and condemnation were not.

Beyond that, I noticed a huge disconnect between what many of these commenters advocated for this couple, and the bases of their criticism of them. As those in a more secure position are apt to do, many commenters suggested that if this particular couple only had enough entrepreneurial gumption, spirit and drive (presumably just like the person making the comment), then they would either not be in the position in which they found themselves, or they could easily navigate their way back to success. At the same time, these very same commenters griped about the previous financial risks this couple took by owning a restaurant and multiple properties. In other words, they first criticized this couple for being too entrepreneurial. They then turned right around and criticized them for not being entrepreneurial enough.

At the end of the day, the whole “discussion” was ridiculous and obviously wasn’t about whether this couple was hyper- or hypo-entrepreneurial. It was about taking shots. It was about kicking someone while they are down in order to make oneself feel superior. It was criticism for the sheer sake of criticism. And commenters were literally reveling in the nastiness and absurdity of the whole sordid affair.

So come one and all and join the fun. It’s our new blood sport. And the really great thing about it is that you can bludgeon someone senseless without getting all that messy blood on your hands. And it’s available for your entertainment and viewing pleasure 24/7/365 on any of a number of locations on the World Wide Web. Enjoy!

Common Sense Goes to the Dogs

2009-03-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, a much anticipated “dog park” opened in my fair city to considerable fanfare by municipal leaders and gushing enthusiasm by dog lovers. A “dog park” as you well know, is one of those rare places in society where a person can allow his dog to roam free, unleashed from the stern and condemning eye of a paranoid public. Dog parks were unheard of 20 years ago, but have become de rigueur given our incessant quest for a society completely devoid of anything unsafe, unsanitary or unsavory. They have become a necessary evil because there is absolutely no place else an unleashed dog can go in society without risk of his master receiving a citation.

The extent to which we have taken our idiocy can be seen on any given weekend in the hills and foothills of Southern California. If you take a hike or go out for a bike ride, you will come across several folks enjoying the unstructured wide open spaces with their canine companions. Invariably, however, those companions will be tethered to their masters by a leash. Worse, their masters will be carrying a little plastic baggie full of dog poo like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Aside from the more humiliating aspects of packing around a little baggie full of dog feces, and ignoring for the moment the embarrassing daintiness with which most owners carry their pet’s poo, the whole notion of picking up poo where the deer and coyote roam is absurd. Poo is poo after all, yet I don’t see any concerted effort underway by the poo patrol to hit the trails with little blue baggies to clean up after the undomesticated critters that foul the very same trails trod upon by dogs.

My God, where did we go wrong? I think it must have started with sweaters for dogs and then taken off from there. And the sad thing is nobody seems to think anything of it. We seem to have adopted a collective mind-set that reaching down and picking up a steaming pile of shit, or harnessing a dog in the wild, is normal, adult behavior. Worse, actually, those who think otherwise are viewed as deviants. So call me a deviant if you must, but we’re sliding down a slippery slope here. If we don’t stop and regain our senses now, the next thing you know men will begin to abandon Retrievers, Labs and other manly breeds and start prancing around like Paris with their cute and clothed Chihuahuas. Oh, whoops, too late…

The BIG Beehive

2008-06-27T07:19:00.001-07:00

Despite having spent my entire youth in the Salt Lake valley, I’m always blown away when I return just how BIG the mountains there are. The mountains, part of the Wasatch Range, rise abruptly from the valley floor to form an 11,000 foot granite barrier which is broken only by a series of deep gashes that have been sliced into its side by millennia of snow, ice and raging waters-Little Cottonwood Canyon, Big Cottonwood Canyon, Millcreek Canyon and Parley’s Canyon. It’s difficult to explain the immensity, majesty and sublimity of these mountains to anyone who has not seen them up close and personal; it’s even more difficult to get the residents to see the grandeur of these spectacular mountains, the laps of which they sit on daily. If familiarity has not bred contempt in the locals, at a minimum, it seems to have bred blindness and apathy.

Although the bigness of the Wasatch Range is impossible to miss, the general culture of bigness which permeates life in Salt Lake City may escape notice. That is not to say that it is any less obvious than the upward thrust of the mountains that encircle the valley. However, the “culture of big” has become so pervasive that your chance of recognizing it is probably no better than your chance of getting a Salt Laker to see the peaks that surround and protect them. It seldom happens.

But it happened to me on a recent pilgrimage. I gained my sight as I was driving through Riverton (granted, not Salt Lake proper, but Salt Lake in spirit and kinship) on one of my ritual treks for substances forbade by the Word of Wisdom. BIG SUVs crowded the roadways. BIG trucks pulled BIG boats and BIG trailers down the wide highways. BIG (nay, gargantuan) homes sat on BIGGER lots to house even BIGGER families. BIG churches and BIG temples dotted the landscape to serve the BIG Mormon population. BIG box stores littered every nook and cranny of what were once beautiful green fields. BIG women wandered the aisles of BIG supermarkets buying BIG steaks for their BIG men. Suddenly, I understood how Gulliver must have felt on his visit to Brodingnag.

They say everything is bigger in Texas, but I don’t know. The Beehive State just might give the Lone Star State a run for its money. And with a lot of extra notches still on their belts, Utahan’s sure seem intent on expanding further until their Mr. Mac slacks are good and snug around the waist.

The End of the Universe

2008-06-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

So this is what we have become. The other day I passed the Starbucks down the street…wait, there are about five Starbucks down the street. This was the one that has the drive-thru window as opposed to the one in the Albertsons or the other one on the corner in the exact same development as the Albertsons or the other one adjacent to the Ralph’s just up the street or… Actually, that reminds me of the scene from Shrek 2 where the giant gingerbread man terrorizes a Starbucks in the Kingdom of Far, Far Away causing the frightened patrons to run screaming to the Starbucks directly across the street. Riot. That scene was supposedly inspired by a comment by comedian Lewis Black to the effect that "...and if you walk to the end of the block, there sits a Starbucks. And directly across the street -- in the exact same building as that Starbucks -- there is... another Starbucks. There is a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks! And ladies and gentlemen, THAT is the end of the universe."

Anyway, as I went by, I counted a string of 16 vehicles in the drive-thru lane which snakes around the building. It’s certainly conceivable that there were many more folks idling in their climate controlled boxes while waiting to pay $4 for a shot of caffeine, but No. 16 was the last car I could see. Not surprisingly, most of the vehicles were gargantuan trucks and SUVs occupied by a single passenger who was either talking on the phone or primping and preening before the mirror. Also not surprising was the fact that the parking area immediately in front of the Starbucks was populated by tumbleweeds.

If you need any evidence that prying people out of their automobiles will be next to impossible, this has got to be it. Lazy suburbanites will gleefully burn $5/gallon gas while they endlessly circle the Costco parking lot looking for a spot “up front” instead of walking in from one of the gazillion unused parking spots further out. Those exact same folks will demand that we both despoil ANWR and drill off the California coast in order to knock a few pennies off the price of a gallon of gas to protect that way of life. And you know what? One day in the not-so-distant future, the clambering from these politically conservative upper-class wannabes will become so intense that it will happen. And just like it has for the past forty years, it will happen at the expense of developing other energy and transportation alternatives. And THAT ladies and gentlemen, with all due respect to Mr. Black, is the real end of the universe.

An Irrational Fixation on Lawn Care

2007-11-18T10:58:00.000-08:00

So check this out. The last time I mowed the lawn, I didn’t trim because the line on the weed whacker kept jamming and it was pissing me off. Given the on-set of winter, I really didn’t think it was such a big thing to wait to trim until the next time I mowed since the lawn was growing considerably more slowly in the cooler weather.

Well, apparently I was wrong. It IS a big deal to not trim your lawn, at least if you live in the uptight Southern California suburbs where what REALLY matters is the greenness of the lawn that surrounds your identikit, mass produced home and the after-market wheel set you have on your Cadillac Escalade.

I know this because I came home yesterday to find that my lawn had been trimmed……by my neighbor. You might think that this is not that unusual. After all, neighbors often trim or cut lawn that straddles the property line. But here’s the thing. My property line is separated from my neighbor’s property by a wall. And to make it creepier, my neighbor doesn’t even have a lawn. Not in the front yard, not in the backyard and not on the side yard. So why the hell does he need a trimmer?

I don’t know whether I should be offended or thankful, but the boldness of it kind of takes your breath away. Think about just wandering into your neighbor’s yard without saying anything to them and starting to pull weeds, turn soil or plant flowers. Its just plain weird. But then again, that’s life in the whitebread burbs where an irrational fixation on lawn care is the norm.

Next up: I invite my neighbor over to my house to wash my car.

Behind the Zion Curtain: Booze Puts on a Burqa

2007-11-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought that the liquor laws in Mormon-dominated Utah could not possibly get any dumber, along comes Bobbie Coray. Coray is a liquor control commissioner with the Utah Alcoholic Beverages Control Commission who, not surprisingly, doesn’t drink. During a recent commission meeting, Coray questioned the effectiveness of the “Zion Curtain,” a glass partition between bartenders and customers which is mandated by Utah law and is intended to “satisfy Mormons whose faith eschews alcohol.” The problem, it seems, is that the Zion Curtain doesn’t actually obscure the Medusa-like beverages from the hyper-sensitive eyes of Mormons who might be turned to stone by the mere sight of a bottle of Don Julio. So, this modern day Perseus has suggested that the Zion Curtain be transformed into a Booze Burqa which will obscure the alcohol from view and save the retinas of countless Mormons.

Comparisons to the heavy-handedness of moralizing, middle-eastern theocracies are too obvious and easy to dwell upon. But it is hard to ignore the fact that the reddest state in the nation, a state which more so than any other supports George Bush’s push for “freedom” in Iraq, is the very same state that, for reasons of religion, continues to restrict the freedom of its residents, particularly those who are not members of the predominant faith. And, the really sad and ironic thing is that while it is becoming increasingly less difficult to get a drink in Iraq, it is becoming increasingly more difficult to get one in the State of Deseret.

DB ☼

Fanning the Flames: Fire Welfare in San Diego

2007-10-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

Although the recriminations have already started, there doesn’t seem to be much question that no amount of resources could have initially stopped the wind-whipped fires that are still ravaging a sizeable chunk of Southern California. With tinder dry conditions and howling Santa Ana winds, Mother Nature was going to have her way with the Southland whether folks liked it or not. People were going to be injured or killed, habitat was going to be destroyed, and structures were going to be lost. Period.

That having been said, there does seem to be legitimate questions about San Diego County’s fire preparedness and the adequacy of its fire fighting resources. And along with the answers to those questions comes annoyance, even anger. Annoyance that San Diego County is one of the few major metropolitan counties in the nation without its own fire department. Annoyance that the City of San Diego has just one firefighting helicopter and 975 firefighters to protect 330 square miles and 1.3 million residents. Annoyance that suburban and rural areas must rely upon volunteer fire departments because of the lack of a county fire department. Annoyance with lax or non-existent building regulations that allow homes to be situated in harms way. And finally, anger over the reason for all this silliness.

Its damn difficult to be annoyed and angry at a group of people who have just lost or been displaced from their homes, but San Diego County residents have managed to pull off this most unlikely of feats. That is because by and large, they appear to be responsible for the sorry state of San Diego County’s fire preparedness affairs. More accurately, their conservative political philosophy is responsible for San Diego County’s woeful lack of firefighting resources. San Diego County doesn’t have a fire department because its citizens don’t want a fire department. Well, it’s not necessarily that they don’t necessarily want one; they just don’t want to pay for one. Because paying for one would require some form of tax, and taxes, of course, are anathema to the cadre of small government, self-proclaimed “individualists” who predominate in San Diego County.

But if the recent conflagrations have shown us anything, it is that “rugged individualism” and unyielding faith in all things private only goes so far in San Diego County. Core conservative beliefs wilt under the intense heat of a raging wildfire. Government resources and assistance are no longer demonized. Accepting, nay expecting, government services funded by collected tax revenues is no longer the exclusive province of welfare queens driving Cadillacs and eating free cheese. Rather, it is the God given right of every upper middle class homeowner who built in fire prone areas (although it is not acknowledged as welfare and is not stigmatized as such).

Don’t get me wrong. Just like everyone else, the folks in San Diego County deserve fire fighting assistance from other sources (including federal, state and other county fire departments) when the winds begin to howl and the hills begins to burn. And in this particular case, the existence of a county fire department probably would not have made a significant difference in terms of acreage burned or structures ultimately lost. That does not mean it would have made no difference, however. And it really has a negative impact on San Diego as a fire welfare county. The utter refusal of San Diego County residents to fund their own fire department means that they must rely on other counties for fire suppression services. And ultimately, this means that the taxpayers in neighboring counties who have swallowed hard and made the financial sacrifice end up paying a disproportionate share of the price of fire protection for San Diego County when things get out of control. Certainly, given their political and philosophical proclivities, San Diego County residents would never stand for such a collectivist, cost-sharing arrangement. Too socialist for their tastes. But apparently, theirs is a complicated political philosophy under which it is better to receive than to give. Especially when you are the receiver.

DB ☼

While we’re on the subject of immigration…

2007-10-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services just released a redesigned naturalization test for those seeking to become United States citizens. The revised test is intended to emphasize “fundamental concepts of American democracy and the rights and responsibilities of citizenship” and to encourage immigrants “to learn and identify with the basic values we all share as Americans.” As was the case previously, those taking the newly revised test must correctly answer 6 of 10 randomly selected questions from a list of 100 in order to pass. At first blush, that doesn’t sound too onerous. 60%, after all, was scraping the bottom of the D barrel when I went to school.

But let’s take a look at the test. Admittedly, some of the questions are embarrassingly simple. For example:

What is the name of the national anthem?
When do we celebrate Independence Day?
What is the capital of the United States?
Name one state that borders Canada.
Name one state that borders Mexico.
What ocean is on the West coast of the United States?
What ocean is on the East coast of the United States?
Who was the first President?

If you can’t answer these questions without study, you don’t deserve citizenship.

Some of the questions, however, are a little more challenging. Not difficult mind you. But they do require that the test taker have an ability to do more than fog a mirror. For example:

How many amendments does the Constitution have?
What are two rights in the Declaration of Independence?
What is the economic system in the United States?
What stops one branch of government from becoming too powerful?
We elect U.S. Senators for how many years?
The House of Representatives has how many voting members?
Why do some states have more representatives than others?
If both the President and the Vice President can no longer serve, who becomes President?
What are two Cabinet-level positions?
How many justices are on the Supreme Court?
Who is the Chief Justice of the United States?
Under our Constitution, some powers belong to the states. What is one power of the states?
What is the name of the Speaker of the House of Representatives now?
Why did the colonists fight the British?
When was the Constitution written?
The Federalist Papers supported the passage of the U.S. Constitution. Name one of the writers.
Name one war fought by the United States in the 1800s.
What did Susan B. Anthony do?
Who was President during World War I?
Who was President during the Great Depression and World War II?
Before he was President, Eisenhower was a general. What war was he in?

There are a lot of folks these days blustering about the evils of illegal immigration. They may be right, they may be wrong. I really don’t know and quite frankly, I’m not losing any sleep over it. Our economy runs on cheap labor provided by illegals of all stripes, and we all benefit from that whether we admit it or not. Illegals pick our fruits and vegetable, slaughter our beef, poultry and pork, dig our ditches, mow our lawns, slam our dishes, make our beds and wipe our kids’ asses and noses. Yeah there are costs associated with them being here, but there are costs associated with having some of our own countrymen around too. In fact, some in this latter category are probably the very same folks who have got themselves all lathered up over illegal immigration. Whatever. You have the right in this country to speak your mind, even if in doing so you come across as a rabid, xenophobic hatemonger. That’s the beauty of America.

Anyway, given their attitudes, it might be interesting to administer the new naturalization test to the anti-illegal immigration crowd to see whether these self-styled über-patriots, these supposed guardians of the American way of life, can “identify with the basic values we all share as Americans.” Based upon what I have seen, heard and read, I have my doubts.

Being the equal opportunity offender that I am, I have serious reservations about the pro-illegal immigration crowd as well. Parenthetically, I know the terms “illegal” and “illegal immigrant” are not supposed to be uttered in polite and politically correct company. But Jesus Christ people, get some thicker skin. Whether you like it or not, these folks entered this county in violation of our federal immigration laws. By definition, therefore, they are here illegally. All of your hand-wringing and semantic sleight of hand does not change that fact. So get over it and focus on more important issues.

But I digress.

Just as the anti-illegal immigration crowd cops an attitude about the subject, so too does the pro-illegal immigration crowd. Many of the folks on this side of the equation appear to believe that all immigrants are created equally. Theirs is an entitlement mentality under which the sole litmus test for citizenship is one’s ability to make it across the international border. They demand all of the rights of citizenship, but disclaim any responsibility. They want their children educated in American schools, but refuse to assimilate by learning the native language. They flood into this country because conditions are so freaking wretched in their countries of origin, yet they then support those same countries over their adopted country in diplomatic and policy skirmishes, sporting events and the like. WTF Dorothy? You ain’t in Aztlán any more.

So the question naturally arises, how many of these folks could pass the new naturalization test if it was administered to them on the spot? I’d liked to be proved wrong, but my suspicion is not many. Perhaps I’m being entirely too pessimistic about the whole affair, but like their picket waving, bullhorn toting nemeses on the other end of the sidewalk, these folks seem less interested in America the tangible than they are in America the ideal, untethered as it is from the burdens of all practical reality.

DB☼

Ruminations on the Cost of Dissent in Pleasantville (circa 2007)

2007-10-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

It has been 15 years or so since the Rodney King case dragged Simi Valley, California kicking and screaming into the unfriendly glare of the media spotlight. You undoubtedly remember Rodney King. He was the black motorist who was beat senseless by LAPD officers who were later acquitted of their videotaped misdeeds by a predominantly white jury sitting in a Simi Valley courthouse. The jury’s verdict of acquittal was the catalyst that ignited four days of rioting, looting and general debauchery in Los Angeles and other major U.S. cities. Rightly or wrongly, it also sparked the idea that Simi Valley was nothing more than a white enclave populated primarily by cops, rednecks and bigots.

To be certain, it has been a struggle for Simi Valley to get past the Rodney King verdict. The City has been routinely mocked and pilloried because of its actual and perceived role in the Rodney King affair. But time heals all wounds, and the sting from the Rodney King case was finally starting to subside for the denizens of Simi Valley.

That is, of course, until Mayor Paul Miller decided to split open a fresh wound by thrusting the City into the midst of another, absurd controversy pregnant with racial undercurrents.

The present imbroglio arose after the membership of the United Church of Christ, a local Simi Valley church with a progressive bent, offered sanctuary to Liliana, an illegal immigrant, and her U.S. born infant son. Predictably, the Church’s action triggered a protest by the anti-illegal immigration group Save Our State; predictably this protest triggered a counter-protest; and predictably, both the protest (organized by Save Our State) and the counter-protest (not organized by the Church) required that the Simi Valley Police Department be ready and available in the event the protesters decided to not play nice.

So far, so good, or at least so normal as far as demonstrations go. But this is where it gets interesting. After the protest dust had settled, the City tallied its demonstration related expenses which totaled $39,307 in police and public works staff hours. Then, the good Mayor (with the backing of a complicit City Council) sent the bill to the United Church of Christ. That’s right. The City billed the object of the protest (the Church) for the costs of a protest which the Church did not organize, it did not want, and in which it did not participate. Apparently, the Mayor felt that the Church “invited” the protest by making known its decision to provide sanctuary to Liliana. He also made it clear that he was not happy that the Church refused to follow his directive to not make Liliana’s presence at the Church known publicly.

It is easy to be misled into believing that this is all about illegal immigration, especially if you listen to the shouting voices of Save Our State and their ilk. But the debate about illegal immigration is merely the context in which the present controversy arises. It really has nothing to do with whether the City was justified in billing the Church for the costs of the demonstration. At its core, this is about fairness, the right of expression, and the right to challenge ideas, particularly those that are unpopular. A debate about the right to debate. By sending a hefty invoice to the Church, Mayor Paul Miller has weighed in heavily and communicated very clearly that, at least in Simi Valley, these are the rules: (1) the Executive Branch of local government (read the Mayor) is all powerful, (2) refusing to accede to the all powerful Mayor’s wishes, whether sensible or not, will be immediately punished, and (3) debate is fine, but it will come at a cost to those with whom the Mayor disagrees.

So, at the end of the day, what is the take away? Well, it seems that if you are the target of a demonstration in Simi Valley, and you have in any manner “invited” protest which requires a police presence, you should be prepared to pay the Piper. You are the family of a soldier who died in Iraq and post an obituary in the local paper giving details of the time and location of funeral services? Be prepared to receive a bill from the City when Fred Phelps and his not-so-merry band of idiots shows up to make certain that you and the other funeral attendees understand that your son died because “God Hates Fags!” Say you’re the Ronald Reagan library and you host a nationally televised debate for Republican Presidential hopefuls. Not surprisingly, demonstrators of all flavors show up at the heavily fortified event. Well Mr. Mayor, under your theory, you had better be prepared to bill the Library for the extra security detail needed to control the demonstrators who were “invited” to show up. If you don’t, not only are you a partisan, but you are the worst kind of partisan: a partisan hypocrite.

I know the counter argument, but it’s a trap. It’s like staring at a solar eclipse without protection: while it is a thing of beauty to behold, in the end it will blind you. Here is how the argument goes. The Church is violating federal immigration laws by providing sanctuary to Liliana. Therefore, billing it for the security costs associated with demonstrations is justified.

But wait! Neither the Church nor its members has been found guilty of violating any laws, including federal immigration laws. As a matter of fact, it does not appear that any citations have even been issued or charges filed. So, to claim that the Mayor’s actions are justified on the basis that the Church has violated the law demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of how government in this country is supposed to work. More troubling, it suggests that folks are willing to defer to the Mayor and allow him to act as judge, jury and executioner. In other words, the consolidation of power in the Executive Branch of government that we see at the federal level may have trickled down to, and gained traction at, the local level.

Even without taking into consideration the concepts of separation of powers, presumption of innocence and other constitutional inconveniences, sending a bill to the Church in this case based upon an assumed violation of the law is not only a bad precedent, but it is dangerous territory for the Mayor. For if that is the new Simi Valley standard, the Mayor may very well find himself on the receiving end of a bill if a raucous group of demonstrators decides to descend on his neighborhood. After all, the Mayor has certainly “invited” protest by his words and deeds and it is just as easy to claim that he has violated the U.S. Constitution as it is to claim that the United Church of Christ has violated federal immigration laws.

DB ☼